We all have those times when we are out of town or away from our current sexual partner. It becomes a case of trying to figure out a way to maintain that sexual connection despite the distance. The idea for this article was suggested to me by a friend and avid reader. He was venting about the fact that he has a hard time figuring out how to overcome the awkwardness of initiating cyber sex. When we were discussing the possibilities, he even threw a title my way “tips for the out-of-town guy who could really use some sexual interaction but has no idea how to initiate cyber sex because he thinks deep down inside it’s for teenagers.” The laughable frustration in that title alone shows how most of us feel when trying to initiate a sexy cyber moment. Since I’ve spent a large part of my adult life away from my partner, I’ve learned a few tricks of the trade.
You’ll need to feel out if your partner is even amenable to the idea of an inter-web tango. Often times I’ve felt the artlessness that comes with trying to determine if my partner would enjoy spicing up our email or IM conversations. I try asking pointed and leading questions. I ask if he remembers certain events, if there is anything that he wishes I would do, if we should try something new in the future, etc. I make sure that I am not graphic and that my language remains tasteful. This is the easiest way to suggest a possible encounter.
Setting The Mood:
Do not forget that there is a time and place for everything. While my partner was in a hotel room with the lights off and completely alone, I was a world away in the middle of a busy evening with people all around me and so much noise I could barely concentrate on what I was typing. Keep in mind that your cyber sex needs to take place in the basic parameters that your normal sex would be: in private. Distractions and/or time constraints on either end can mean a lack of attention which can definitely kill any mood.
I am a firm believer that initiating sex should be a seamless process. You wouldn’t start a romantic evening out by tearing your clothes off unless you knew for certain that there wouldn’t be an objection on the other end. While I know telling my man, “I could just suck your cock right now” would instantly get him in the mood, the reverse might not always be true. Until you are at a level of familiarity with the process, start slow. Tell the person that you: miss them, are lonely, wish you were there, want to kiss them, want to kiss their lips, want to taste their mouth, wish you could kiss down their chin, are thinking about licking the nape of their neck, etc. Small pushes will get you down the hill of ecstasy a lot faster most of the time. I’m not saying that every person needs to be guided along in such a sensitive fashion, but adding a little romance to your cyber-seduction can’t hurt. If later on you want to do an e-ripping off of the clothes, feel free, but I don’t recommend starting out that way.
When there is a level of gawkiness to having an online erotic occasion, please keep in mind that using graphic words will induce giggles, not moans. If either you or your partner is an amateur at this endeavor, start softly, just as you would in person. Adding the sensual side can make it a smooth transition from “kissing your shaft” to “fucking your dick”. Some people view the graphic words for our genitalia as funny, raunchy, and sometimes even dirty. This is their main objection to participating in an IM romp. For these people, I would say that for the first few times, stick with clean words. Substitute “hole” or “slit” instead of saying “pussy.” And keep in mind that “penis” and “vagina” sound incredibly clinical, and can even be a turn off. Often this inept use of boudoir vocabulary can be completely circumvented by simply saying, “I wish you were in me.” Plain and to the point.
Tips for a Fun and Successful Execution:
Like any private moment between two lovers, there needs to be a sense of longing. If the person you are communicating with feels like you aren’t truly into them, it will kill the moment. Try to only talk about things that you know your partner enjoys. Boys: don’t describing hammering into a girl’s ass if you know she hates the idea of anal sex. Girls: don’t talk about giving your guy a golden shower if he’s not open to experiencing this. After you finish your email rendezvous, this is a time for intense conversation regarding your current bedroom habits. If you would like to try out something new and your partner doesn’t object, use it in your next fantasy. But once again, new exploits must be approached with caution; remembering slow and easy is the best.
When it comes to cyber sex, the one question that will keep you on the right path is always going to be the same: ”Do you like that?”