I stop by IMBOYCRAZY once or twice a week, and I always enjoy Alexi’s posts and her specific LA hipster humor. This week she posted another part to her popular Blind Leading The Blind series, which always brings a mash-up of LOLZ and *sniffs* because her points are pretty spot on. I know where she’s coming from when she wrote this particular list, since I’m still trying to move on from my own break up (and the fact that I hurt someone I care for so much). Like that sardonic friend, Alexi’s commentary made me smile and reconsider saying something I know I’d regret later. Go read her full list, but as an amuse bouche I’ve included my favorite Break Up List points–with my own personal opinions.
hey girl heeeyyyy! the break up list continues! i know break ups are hard, but you MUST handle your shit and take control of your life! you can’t just fall to pieces! do not let your heart drop into the pit of your stomach! keep moving, and keep busy! the minute you stop, you might collapse, so just keep going forward:
DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT PICK AT YOUR FACE!
Weird, my mother says the same thing…
DO NOT CHECK HIS FACEBOOK/TWITTER PAGE/OR BLOG EVERY HOUR ON THE HOUR!
This one’s tough for me too. But seriously! I promise he’s not checking your statuses, receiving your mobile updates, or even following you anymore, so you’re really only upsetting yourself every time you check his updates. REMINDER: reading his stuff is no longer research–it’s stalking!!!
BREATHE! STOP WONDERING WHEN, AND WITH WHO HE’S GONNA MAKE-OUT WITH OR SEXX FIRST! DON’T LET HIS ACTIONS DEFINE YOUR ACTIONS. ONLY PAY ATTENTION TO YOURSELF! MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS. AND WHEN YOU’RE READY/WANT TO FOOL AROUND WITH SOMEONE NEW- DO IT! BUT DON’T TRY TO PROVE A POINT TO HIM.
And anyway, there is nothing worse than making out with someone in a parking lot, getting totally into it, and then opening your eyes and realizing it’s not him. TRUST you’ll get there, but don’t rush it.
DO NOT SLEEP WITH ANY/ALL OF YOUR EX’S FRIENDS! IT’S NOT COOL. NOT COOL AT ALL. UNLESS HE DID IT TO YOU. THEN GO FOR IT. AN EYE FOR AN EYE! EVEN IF IT MIGHT MAKE THE WORLD BLIND!
Totally not my thing and totally not cool…
YOU CAN’T BE MAD IF HE KISSES/SEXXXES SOMEONE NEW. HE’S NOT YOUR BOYFRIEND ANYMORE.
(HOLY FUCK. THAT LAST ONE WAS EVEN TOO MUCH FOR ME, AND I’M WRITING THIS LIST! YUCK. JUST THE THOUGHT MAKES ME WANT TO CRAWL UNDER A ROCK AND DIE/FUCK EVERYONE AS I RIP HIS HEART OUT FOR MAKING ME DO IT- CUZ HE DID IT FIRST AND I WANT TO SHOW HIM HOW MUCH HIS ACTIONS HURT ME. EVEN THOUGH HE’S NOT MINE/NOT MY LITTLE BEAR CUB ANYMORE! ANYWAYZIES, BACK TO WHAT I WAS SAYING ABOUT STAYING POSITIVE:)
This is the one fact that I can’t even begin to stomach. I hate thinking about it (I do think about it more than I should) and hand-to-God I hope I never have to see him tongue wrestle anyone…=(
DON’T WASTE TOO MUCH TIME RE-HASHING WHAT HAPPENED, WITH EVERY PERSON YOU KNOW WHO CALLS AND SAYS ‘WHAT HAPPENED?’ IT’S OK FOR THE FIRST COUPLE OF DAYS. BUT OTHER THAN THAT, IT’S EATING INTO TIME THAT COULD BE SPENT MUCH MORE PRODUCTIVELY!
And honestly everyone you’ve talked to about it is sick and tired of hearing about your broken heart. It’s not that they don’t love you and want you to be happy, it’s just that the whole situation is out of anyone’s control.
MAKE-OUT WITH VINCENT GALLO!
Or if VG isn’t your speed, making-out in the back alley of the Four Season’s with any other creepy-sexy celebrity/man will do just fine
WITHOUT KNOWING HOW OR WHY, ASSUME YOU’LL BE ATTENDING THE ACADEMY AWARDS NEXT YEAR- AND LIVE YOUR LIFE ACCORDINGLY! TAKE YOURSELF SERIOUSLY, MAINTAIN YOUR BEAUTY, AND TREAT YOURSELF LIKE THE PRINCESS YOU ARE! NO YOU!
This is what we like to call “putting it out in the Universe”
MOISTURIZE EVERY BIT OF YOUR BODY BEFORE BED! ESPECIALLY YOUR BOOBS EVEN!
I especially like this point, because it will make you feel pretty! And everyone should feel pretty!!
Source: IMBOYCRAZY
