Being a girl, I know how women think (duh!). I know what we want to hear and how we want a situation to work out. But having a primary partner in my life and with my closest friends being all guys, I have become aware of just how oblivious men are to what women really want in regards to one thing…. Sex.

I’ve written articles before about how to initiate it, how to do it in person or over the internet, and how to improve it but I have yet to address what happens in the psyche of a girl after the deed is done. Since men often are confused and uncertain about what girls really mean or want, I’m going to break it down for you.

First, congratulations, you got laid! Give yourself a pat on the back and high five those you told because you got some. I hope it was good for you and if it wasn’t, well, better luck next time. But that isn’t what this is about; this is about how to deal with the aftermath.

Know that we talk about things with our friends. Some of us are more private than others but trust me when I say, that our girlfriends know when we have sex because they are the ones we turn to for advice. So if you start getting funny looks from those around the lady you just diddled with, it’s probably because she told them about how you got a leg cramp mid-thrust or have a weird mole on your butt.

Now, if you meet some random girl and there is no chemistry, let it go. Be polite, say thank you, but stick to your guns and let her know that it was a one-time thing. It will keep her from getting her hopes up. Chances are that a random hookup expects just as little from you as you expect from her. Should you see her again, don’t be a dick and avoid her. Say hello and move on. Any repeat performances will play with her head.

If you have a booty call arrangement with someone or a friends with benefits, chances are that both of you are pretty clear about what you want out of things. However, if there starts to be awkwardness or confusion, be direct and talk about it. Women often feel like men do things out of the blue because you don’t let us know what’s going on before you make a decision.

Whatever you expect from a situation, make sure that you know what it is that you want and what it is that you don’t. Men, you need to understand that for chicks, the not knowing kills us. We don’t know if it was just sex or if you want to do it again. We have no idea if you regret it or enjoyed it. We aren’t sure if you are interested in us as a bang buddy, just friend, or something more unless you say so. I know it sucks to have to be the one to talk about things but if you don’t, it makes for uncertainty and hurt feelings.

Every once in a while, two people, who have been platonic with each other, will cross a line into bedroom territory. When this happens, the situation becomes delicate. Since the foundation of friendship was already there, adding sex into the mix can be confusing. So guys, if you have no intention of making a repeat performance, say so. If you want to repeat, say so. If you want to move in a direction that is less platonic, say so. Not saying anything will lead to tension and the white elephant in the room will start to take up more and more space. And since having a chick friend can come in serious handy occasionally, not bringing up what happened will end up fucking up the social circle.

Here is the warning: Should either or both of you be intoxicated (by any source) during the encounter, know that this creates paranoia. Be careful that whomever you do the horizontal tango with is someone you trust. Drunken  nights can be fun but hazy memories can be dangerous. Moving on…

Women are emotional creatures. Even the ice queens have feelings, though they rarely show it. We are psychologically programmed to connect intimate behaviors with emotions. That means sex is rarely just sex for us (please note: there are exceptions to this rule). Our minds run the gambit of what if scenarios afterward. Was it just sex? Will I hear from him again? Did he use me? Did I use him? Should I call? Does he actually like me? Do I like him? Am I supposed to regret this? Does he regret it? Does he think I’m a slut? Was I bad? You get the idea!

If our behavior changes after you have sex with us, read the above questions. You will understand the maelstrom of uncertainty that is eating at us. So as a girl, I ask all of you men out there to alleviate the fears for us women folk. Be a man and after you bang us, talk about it. Not doing so will probably land you in the category of “douche bag” and trust me; we tell our friends when that happens too.