hey girl heeeyyyy! the break up list continues! i know break ups are hard, but you MUST handle your shit and take control of your life! you can’t just fall to pieces! do not let your heart drop into the pit of your stomach! keep moving, and keep busy! the minute you stop, you might collapse, so just keep going forward:

DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT PICK AT YOUR FACE!

Weird, my mother says the same thing…

DO NOT CHECK HIS FACEBOOK/TWITTER PAGE/OR BLOG EVERY HOUR ON THE HOUR!

This one’s tough for me too. But seriously!  I promise he’s not checking your statuses, receiving your mobile updates, or even following you anymore, so you’re really only upsetting yourself every time you check his updates.  REMINDER: reading his stuff is no longer research–it’s stalking!!!

BREATHE! STOP WONDERING WHEN, AND WITH WHO HE’S GONNA MAKE-OUT WITH OR SEXX FIRST! DON’T LET HIS ACTIONS DEFINE YOUR ACTIONS. ONLY PAY ATTENTION TO YOURSELF! MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS. AND WHEN YOU’RE READY/WANT TO FOOL AROUND WITH SOMEONE NEW- DO IT! BUT DON’T TRY TO PROVE A POINT TO HIM.

And anyway, there is nothing worse than making out with someone in a parking lot, getting totally into it, and then opening your eyes and realizing it’s not him. TRUST you’ll get there, but don’t rush it.

DO NOT SLEEP WITH ANY/ALL OF YOUR EX’S FRIENDS! IT’S NOT COOL. NOT COOL AT ALL. UNLESS HE DID IT TO YOU. THEN GO FOR IT. AN EYE FOR AN EYE! EVEN IF IT MIGHT MAKE THE WORLD BLIND!

Totally not my thing and totally not cool…

YOU CAN’T BE MAD IF HE KISSES/SEXXXES SOMEONE NEW. HE’S NOT YOUR BOYFRIEND ANYMORE.

(HOLY FUCK. THAT LAST ONE WAS EVEN TOO MUCH FOR ME, AND I’M WRITING THIS LIST! YUCK. JUST THE THOUGHT MAKES ME WANT TO CRAWL UNDER A ROCK AND DIE/FUCK EVERYONE AS I RIP HIS HEART OUT FOR MAKING ME DO IT- CUZ HE DID IT FIRST AND I WANT TO SHOW HIM HOW MUCH HIS ACTIONS HURT ME. EVEN THOUGH HE’S NOT MINE/NOT MY LITTLE BEAR CUB ANYMORE! ANYWAYZIES, BACK TO WHAT I WAS SAYING ABOUT STAYING POSITIVE:)

This is the one fact that I can’t even begin to stomach.  I hate thinking about it (I do think about it more than I should) and hand-to-God I hope I never have to see him tongue wrestle anyone…=(

DON’T WASTE TOO MUCH TIME RE-HASHING WHAT HAPPENED, WITH EVERY PERSON YOU KNOW WHO CALLS AND SAYS ‘WHAT HAPPENED?’ IT’S OK FOR THE FIRST COUPLE OF DAYS. BUT OTHER THAN THAT, IT’S EATING INTO TIME THAT COULD BE SPENT MUCH MORE PRODUCTIVELY!

And honestly everyone you’ve talked to about it is sick and tired of hearing about your broken heart.  It’s not that they don’t love you and want you to be happy, it’s just that the whole situation is out of anyone’s control.

MAKE-OUT WITH VINCENT GALLO!

Or if VG isn’t your speed, making-out in the back alley of the Four Season’s with any other creepy-sexy celebrity/man will do just fine

WITHOUT KNOWING HOW OR WHY, ASSUME YOU’LL BE ATTENDING THE ACADEMY AWARDS NEXT YEAR- AND LIVE YOUR LIFE ACCORDINGLY! TAKE YOURSELF SERIOUSLY, MAINTAIN YOUR BEAUTY, AND TREAT YOURSELF LIKE THE PRINCESS YOU ARE! NO YOU!

This is what we like to call “putting it out in the Universe”

MOISTURIZE EVERY BIT OF YOUR BODY BEFORE BED! ESPECIALLY YOUR BOOBS EVEN!

I especially like this point, because it will make you feel pretty! And everyone should feel pretty!!

Source: IMBOYCRAZY

Nerds and Pervs alike know that breaking up is not fun, but it is part of the dating equation.  We can all hope that our relationships won’t end this way, but sometimes it just cannot be avoided.  This man was my first real boyfriend, and I learned a lot from dating him.  My experience with this fresh break-up has inspired me to write a guide to respectful break-ups.

THINK ABOUT IT:

If you have decided it’s time to end your relationship, think it through.  I’m sure you have already, and if you still remotely care for this person, consider his feelings.  It’s important to remember two people are in this relationship, and you’d want them to think about your feelings too. If you recognize there are certain traits about your partner that you just can’t get past or this person has done something egregious to you, it’s time to move on.  But if you find yourself still attached and willing to work it out, by all means try.  Communication is key—be it with yourself or with your partner.  The more honest you are with yourself, the more honest you will be with your partner.  And if the two of you are living together, you’ll need to find a new place to crash for awhile if you do not think your partner will be amiable to leaving (or you aren’t on the lease).   Relationships should be fun and make you happy, not stressful and full of disappointment.

BE RESPECTFUL:

Okay, so you thought it through, presented your partner with some of your complaints, and you still think it’s time to end things. Here is the part that is obvious in theory and rarer in practice.  Of course you think you or your partner will respect each other and end things neatly, and if you can do that then five points to Gryffindor for you!  However, I have seen one too many couples declare their undying love for each other one minute and then all but put out a hit for each other the next.  What I’m trying to get at is nothing ends easily or neatly; you may walk away from the relationship friends, but that can take time.  The hurt is still there, and it is vital to respect his needs just as much as yours.  Remember, this is a person you have done dirty, naughty things with; at least be respectful enough to tell him you’re done, in person.  Now, if he does not get the message and freaks out by slashing your tires, hold your head up high knowing that you were the bigger person—and then ask for a certified money order for the damages.

JUST DO IT, ALREADY!:

We’ve thought it out, written down what we want to say, practiced in the shower as if taking on a bully in elementary school (or even high school if you were me), and the moment has finally come to lay it all out there.  You cannot go back once you’ve started.  Doing so just sends mixed messages and will make you no happier the next day.  By all means, fuck him before you say your peace—it may even relax the two of you—but don’t forget your objective.  It’s not fun and it’s not going to be easy, but the quicker you pull off the Band-Aid, the quicker you can start playing around with other hot, able bodies!

DIVIDE AND CONQUER:

When it’s all said and done, there are still little things that need to be worked out—like dividing assets.  He may have some of your clothes at his house and you may have some of his at yours.  If the two of you agree to return items, follow through.  And if you were engaged and break up, you should return the ring.  I know I know, it’s yours and you deserve it, blah blah blah.  But come on, would you really want to be reminded of him every time you opened your jewelry box?  I didn’t think so.  And Judge Judy would tell you to return it too, and no one should argue with the Judge.  Ed’s note: I do not recommend burning, peeing on, or destroying any of his stuff.  Unless he had it coming, in that case I’ll look the other way.

DO NOT, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PSYCHO-OUT:

Finally, do not freak out when your ex starts moving on before you, do not start drinking heavily everyday following the breakup or if you learn news about him (a few times is okay, but you’ll eventually learn that working with a killer hangover is worse than heartache) because livers are important for other functions besides filtering out alcohol.  It is also vital, and this is something I have been guilty of, that you refrain from excessive contact.  Do not call him to ask how he is handling the break up, do not “check-in” with the friends you know he has been spending time with, and most importantly do not start stalking his new girlfriend.  It may sound like a good idea when you’re drunk or high at 1 AM to call him and tell him he’s an Asshat, but psychoing out will only guarantee that you will not move on and your ex will look like a saint with a stalker.

Image from Nerd Approved