Have you ever heard the adage- “If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans”?
After several years and numerous failed relationships, I had finally reached a point where I approached my partner to discuss the fact that I was going on a break from the poly life for a while. The latest one had affected both of us, in a very strong and very negative way. I didn’t want to become cynical but it was hard when looking back.
Beginning a not-in-person friendship with another poly person who was in a serious, committed relationship seemed safe. Both of us had primary relationships and that gave me a sense of security to let my guard down. I outright refused to allow even minor flirtations to occur.
This is where the God laughing part applies. When we met, I was stunned. I’ve been affected by people immediately before but this was different. He put me at ease. I can’t say that I wasn’t nervous but when I saw him walk in, calm kicked in. It felt like I was meeting a friend, which is exactly what was happening. We sat in the bar and had a few beers. He was jittery and embarrassed. I could tell that he was anxious about meeting me. I already knew that he was brilliant and funny. He’d already shown himself to be compassionate but persistent. The part that I wasn’t exactly ready for was the “him” in person part. The pictures that he’d sent me in emails and messages were of him in “guyliner” looking all dramatic or even licking his bass guitar. I’d jokingly told him that, at first, I’d thought him too “artsy” for me.
That opinion drastically changed when I saw him. Cosmetics aside, he was beyond good looking. I knew he wasn’t feeling that confident about things because he was slightly hunched over in his walk. The longer we talked, the more relaxed he got. I got to see that he was goofy and that a smile lit his face up.
Since I’m awful about eating at normal meal times, we headed to a fast food joint. My heart was pounding the entire time that he was sitting next to me. At least- until we touched. It was weird to feel the tension just melt. His jittery mannerisms disappeared and my stomach stopped doing flips. He looked straight into my eyes and looked absolutely mystified.
I won’t go into details about the rest of our first date. Yes, we kissed. No, nothing else happened. A night that was supposed to be “just drinks” lasted for more than eight hours and the sun was coming up when I pulled into my garage. It took leaving him that night for me to realize that we had been more than “just friends” before we had even met. I had a sense of wonder at the turn of events. Just weeks before, my heart had been ripped apart and I’d sworn to my partner and the world that I was taking a poly break but this one friend changed that.
Eating your words doesn’t happen often but I was forced to do so. And admitting that I was wrong, well it felt very right.