I am a girl. There is no getting around that fact. To be sure, I’ve checked the equipment. However, I am one of those few girls that is not a “girl’s girl”, I am a “guy’s girl”. That doesn’t mean that I don’t have “girly” qualities, I do. These just aren’t the mainstay of my daily activities. It is the main reason that almost all of my friends are guys. I’ve watched their frustrations in the dating world, I’ve listened to them complain, and I’ve often been called upon to explain the behavior of all women. It has made me realize that the ladies out there need a wake-up call about what men really want. So here it is…
#1- You are not his mother
Yes, men like to feel cared for and taken care of. Who doesn’t? When they have a bad day, they want someone to listen. When they are tired, they like it when they don’t have to worry about getting dinner. However, there is a line. It isn’t your responsibility to do things FOR him. Not a single of my guy friends wants a chick that tells them what to do or treats them like they are incapable of handling the details of their own life. You don’t earn brownie points with the guys by acting like their mother; you just remind him that he should probably call her because it has been a while since they last talked.
#2- Men want a partner
The world has changed since our parents and their parents started out. Marriage is happening later in life for a lot of people and “traditional” gender roles don’t really exist anymore. I don’t know about you, ladies, but I date grown men- who can do their own laundry, make their own lunch, balance their own checkbook, pay their own bills, and make their own life plans. Guys want the same! My buddies have expressed, on numerous occasions, just how much it bothers them when they meet a girl who has fits the checklist and then, as things progress, they find out that she wants to step back in time fifty years. Guys like it when women have goals and plans. They like it when we can support ourselves and are moving forward in our lives. Knowing that we don’t NEED them; lets them see that we keep them around because we WANT them.
#3- Handle your business
When a recent friend ended a relationship, he told me how he had felt like he was the life-preserver to the sinking ship. Every time his ex had a problem, it was the end of the world and he was expected to be the superhero. While I don’t discount the mental picture of my significant other being my personal hero, I recognize that men hate the pressure of having to “fix” every situation. Guys want a girl who can take the bad in stride. Yes, your car will break down but that doesn’t mean they know how to fix it and, even if they do, they might just prefer that you call the mechanic. Consulting a guy for his opinion isn’t the same as expecting him to take care of it for you. So handle your business; after all, it’s yours.
Ask any man what the most attractive feature is on a woman and they will tell you: her smile. I admit that they appreciate other “assets” but when it comes to true beauty, a smile tells all. Your smile is the window to your personality and every version of it opens another door into the world of “you”.
#5- There is a time and place
To quote the great Ludacris, men want a “lady in the street and a freak in the bed”. In public, men appreciate when you can mind your manners. Knowing what is appropriate to say and the context of the situation for how to act is incredibly important. But in private, let loose. When you are naked and rolling around in the sheets, it is the last place a man wants to worry about holding back. Your body issues or lack of self esteem are a turn OFF. You didn’t shave? He’ll deal because, though the packaging may not be as pretty, the machinery still works. If you get a guy in the bedroom, don’t be afraid to try things out. You can maintain your comfort zone but acting like a dead fish will kill your romance.
I could go on and on about how girls should act in relationships. I’ve had my share of good and bad ones. I’ve made mistakes and I’ve done stupid shit. And every time, my “boys” have shaken their heads at me and said “what the hell did you do that for?” Girls, stop trying to be someone that you are not to please a man. Stop acting like you are perfect and, by default, deserve perfection. Accept that you are fallible but you don’t need to change for a guy. Men aren’t looking for a façade. They don’t want the copy, the print, the reproduction; they want the true work of art- the original you.