One day after an intense color demo, I was finishing my webcomic, Mermaid Hostel, when I was hit with the most ARDENT sexual urges in my life. It was like a fog hit me and I sat drawing, sweating and feeling certain things in me pooling. Male voices from the lab in the basement drifted up to me via little holes in the knotty wood floor. “Calm down, Vaughn” became my mantra as I tried to not imagine taking the next person who walked through the door, rolling them over and over on our long tables, testing the warranties. My mind ventured to new places, shit, I was ready to do ANYTHING to get my lickapedia researched, I’d fist-fuck ‘em if they wanted. I needed it. 3pm, it was still light out for God’s sake! (Joke)

I gathered myself enough to step outside into the brisk, chilling 15 degree wind. Then I ran downstairs, put on my headphones (The Weepies album) and assembled some of my loose comics. The task at hand diverted my attention when working with heavy machinery such as our precise HUGE paper cutter. Idle hands are the devil’s playthings and instruments of certain, unfortunate casual sex for this lady. Let that be the lesson for you, dear reader, that constructive activities will distract you from the 3PM Needs that no doubt haunt you, whether you are drawing comics, editing books or assembling stock portfolios.

Sidenote: I made the mistake of telling my gal pals about the 3PM needs and now I get texts almost everyday at three wanting to know who is the line of fire. If only they knew.