My best friend from childhood is a beautiful woman. Actually, that isn’t the proper way to say it. She is someone who is so stunning that men and women alike stop and stare. As teenagers, her looks were something she took for granted. She has never been vain or conceited in regards to having a pretty face but she was aware that others found her incredibly attractive. This is a woman who has maintained a perfect size 2 after having two children without developing a single stretch mark on her body. Her eyes are sky blue and she’s a natural blonde, it truly isn’t fair. It never occurred to me that she had a problem with her appearance until I saw her a few months ago.

She looked happier than I’d seen her in years and more angelic than ever. The first thing that I noticed was that she’d had her teeth whitened. She proceeded to tell me that it had been a gift to make her feel better, but I didn’t understand why she’d been down in the first place. When she opened up, I was absolutely stunned. My friend admitted she’d started to develop adult acne a few years ago. It had gotten so bad that she never had one pimple, but dozens on any given day. After her fiancé proposed to her, she had considered refusing him because the idea of having her face photographed was terrifying. With us living so far apart and visiting so rarely, I’d missed seeing the outbreaks at their worst and had always just thought she was hormonal.

Apparently her acne had taken a toll on her. She had a breakdown and realized she needed to try something drastic after all the over the counter skin care systems, and a few prescription treatments as well, had failed.  Her dermatologist recommended using Acutane. My trip coincided with the fifth month of treatment. Her skin had not a single blemish and the redness was completely gone. My friend had a bounce in her step and confidence enough to venture into public sans makeup. Because I had been so focused on all her other amazing qualities, I had never seen the pain that this struggle with acne had caused for my oldest friend.  I only saw her generosity, bubbly personality, intelligence, and humor. I saw the same ethereal woman that everyone else did. But my friend was blinded by her flaw, and I realized this must be how it is for a lot of people.

Each person has something about themselves that they don’t care for. While the issue may seem irrelevant or irrational to the rest of the world, it can be a self esteem crusher. Learning how to look past our own flaws is incredibly difficult. For some people these unique characteristics become monumental obstacles, a personal Mt. Everest. Weight seems to be the most common problem that causes self loathing but there are others. Some people struggle with overcoming social awkwardness, others hate their teeth. None of us have any way of predicting what these insecurities may be.

© Leslie Richard Jacobs/Corbis

We need to stop focusing our energies on those things we hate and start embrasing the parts of us that are great. It is time to see ourselves as others do. There is always going to be someone out there who is taller, cuter, thinner, funnier, smarter, etc. but no one has set the bar so high for us that we are unable to reach it. If you don’t like the reflection in the mirror, it is time to do something about it. Go to the gym, create a new wardrobe, try out a new hairstyle, but most importantly, make a change for the better. We all know that there can be change without improvement but there cannot be improvement without change.

Learning to love the positive things about ourselves can be hard. We often become so focused on our perceived problem areas that these positive attributes become invisible. This lack of proper vision can erode a person’s self confidence. My friend only saw the acne on her face, but failed to see the amazing body she occupied. She forgot that she is a spontaneous and selfless person.

If you have a big nose, you can either learn to love it or have it surgically altered. But don’t forget about the amazing eyes and smile you have. If you hate your height, accept that you aren’t going to be any taller and recognize that you make every person around you laugh.

It is time for the world to stop missing the good traits. Some of us are shy but incredibly entertaining. Others of us are clumsy but smart. Each person is beautiful in their own way. Sometimes, it just takes someone shining a light on that and showing an appreciation for us to see it. We each need to find value in ourselves because if we don’t, no one else will.