Having a fetish used to be something that was completely behind closed doors but in the modern world, it isn’t something to be ashamed of anymore. I hear my girlfriends talk about the stuff they’ve done or my guy friends brag. I read posts and messages from online buddies who discuss how far they’ve pushed their limits or what they are into. All of this makes me realize that I have to push my own boundaries in order to find out what it is that I’ll like. I’m a firm believer in being try-sexual: I’ll try anything once. After all, you’ll never know what you’ll enjoy until you try it.
Let’s start with the definition.
Part of speech: noun
|Synonyms:||bias, craze*, desire, fixation, golden calf, idée fixe, leaning, luck, mania, partiality, penchant, periapt, predilection, prejudice, preoccupation, prepossession, proclivity, propensity, stimulant, thing*|
I first had to think about the things that I would be unwilling to try when considering my own fetishes and talking with my partner about this subject was enlightening, to say the least. The idea of someone peeing on me completely grosses me out, so I crossed that off the list of things I would be willing to do. I kind of think that bathroom habits should stay bathroom habits and not be confused with bedroom ones. However, I recognize that Water Sports is something that other people enjoy.
I’ve always considered a propensity for latex, leather or lace to be a fetish. If you prefer that your partner wears a specific type of clothing during sex or dons a costume. It can mean painting each other with liquid latex and then peeling it off. It can be the leather masks for dominating another person. Or it could be sticking with the classic romance of lace lingerie. I tend to lean away from all of these. While they can be fun every now and then, I just like being naked.
BDSM is probably the most well known fetish. Bondage, Domination, Sadism, and Masochism can be taken to the extremes but most people stick with the light stuff. Bondage can be simple restraints like tying the wrists together or using a blindfold. Light could even be done without using anything, like being pinned down or held back by the other person. The full on effect would be the harnesses restraints, think Hannibal Lector style. Domination is the act of either being the person fully in charge (the Dom) or willing giving up control (the Sub). This doesn’t always have to be sexual either. My partner was nice enough to inform me that I am a Sub. I’m the girl that can be held down or choked. Call me any name in the book or tell me what to do, I enjoy not being the conductor of this orchestra. Sadism is the enjoyment of inflicting pain, degradation, or humiliation on another person. I’m definitely guilty of this one. I know, that probably doesn’t make much sense with me being a Sub but it is true because I like scratching and biting to the point of blood and bruises if I get too lost in the moment. Masochism is when you enjoy what the Sadist does to you. I’ve never understood the draw of enjoying pain but I know that people, my partner included, are out there who think this is something that spices up their love life. If you consider that I don’t mind being called names and being told what to do, graphically even, then I guess I fit into this one too.
A lot of people have Body Part fetishes. They need to touch someone’s feet to get turned on or they just pay particular attention to their partner’s legs or butt. Involving a certain part of the body is necessary for enjoyment for these folks.
While it may not be considered to be a fetish by some, I would classify Dirty Talk as one. If the verbalization of what you want to do or a fantasy turns you on, congratulations, you and I share a fetish. I enjoy being told what my partner wants to do to me or wants to see me do. Listening to him describe his fantasies or telling him my own, gets my engine going, the dirtier the better too.
Toys are probably the most feminine fetish. Women buy dildos, bullets, and vibrators to get themselves off. It is a fetish that grosses hundreds of millions of dollars in profits every year. There are numerous assortments of sex accoutrements to get your girl off. I’ve found that men enjoy the toys too and have started buying some of their own, like sleeves. They like watching their girls use them or helping out. This leads to another fetish, Masturbation. Many people need to involve touching themselves or watching their partners do so to get turned on. A lot of people use mutual masturbation as a means to an end when they hit a lull because, hey, who knows how you like it better than you do.
Porn has always been known as a male fetish. Men are the most vocal about watching it, owning it, or collecting it. I know that it can actually turn into an addiction for some people. But for me, watching people bang is just another way to get me in the mood. Lately, Porn has morphed into full blown feature films and involves much more romance to entice female viewers. The internet has become the largest source of free porn for most people, replacing videos and magazines of old.
Voyeurism and Exhibitionism are common fetishes too. Voyeurism is when you like watching sexual acts of other people. Exhibitionism is when you enjoy being watched. In the age of web cams, I’ve found that this is becoming more and more widespread, although it is a guilty pleasure for most.
Having a fetish isn’t something to be ashamed of, it is to be embraced. It is a natural phenomenon, a tornado of pleasure to throw your body and imagination into the lands of fantasy. Sex is supposed to be enjoyable for those involved and if a fetish is how you follow the yellow brick road then I’ve only got one thing to say: Welcome to Oz.
After reading and researching this piece, I learned a lot and realized that I’ve enjoyed fetishes for quite some time; I just didn’t know what many of them were called prior to writing this piece. The conversations and questions that I had with many of my friends regarding this subject helped me in my quest for knowledge. On that note: I’d like to give a shoutout to Ken, my partner. The guy was willing to talk all of this over with me and managed to keep a straight face most of the time. Though his evil grin did give away a few of the things he’d be more interested in.