We’ve all had something happen while in a bedroom moment that has made us burst out laughing or want to die of embarrassment. I am no exception to this. However, since each of us feels like we are alone in our mortification, I set out to prove that assumption wrong by asking a few of the members on SuicideGirls to share their stories with me.
The first response was from a boy whose girlfriend farted while he was performing oral. Another gentleman informed me that when losing his virginity, he had trouble finding the point of entry because it was further down than he expected. Or there was the guy who was enjoying his first anal sex experience and then pulled out to find several turds coming out too. Then the girl whose gag reflex kicked in and she vomited orange juice all over her man’s pecker. Of course, I had to laugh at the man who was horny enough to have sex with his girlfriend while she was on her period, just to faint on top of her when he saw the blood. This is made even funnier when she told me he was too heavy for her to move on her own, so she had to wait for him to regain consciousness to finally roll him off her body. Another girl told a story about having drunk sex with her boyfriend at a party by grabbing him unexpectedly as he walked by and forcing him into a bathroom. Afterwards, she discovered that it was actually his twin brother. Also, a gal told me how she discovered that her man-toy had an affinity for giggling like a school girl every time he came.
A few of the answers were so funny to me that I felt I could not do them justice without quoting them directly.
“Back in college I was having sex with my then-girlfriend in her dorm room. Her parents made a surprise visit, and I had to get dressed and get out of Dodge, pronto. In the rush & confusion, I grabbed HER jeans by mistake and went hopping down the hall with a tiny pair of girl jeans that wouldn’t go much higher than my knees.”
“Some friends remind me that I’m a ‘Toe Fucker’ now and then because the first thing to enter my vagina was a guy’s big toe. When I was 13, I think, following a racy game of truth or dare. I should probably be embarrassed about that, but actually I’m just kind of proud that I don’t have a foot fetish. You’d think I’d be into feet since it was my first real sexual experience and it left an impression.”
“One time when I was getting it on with my ex, we were doing it doggie style on his bed and I guess his dog, Smokey, thought it looked like fun because he tried to join in.”
One of my own personal stories was having sex while a movie was playing on the TV and suddenly one of the characters started to imitate a peacock’s call by yelling “My eye! My eye!” over and over again. To which both my partner and I burst into hysterics. Needless to say, neither of us were able to continue.
Embarrassing moments are part of life, they happen. When it occurs during our most intimate of occasions, it can be hard to find the funny and move forward. The best thing for us to focus on is that if we let every little awkward circumstance affect whether or not we pursue a sexual encounter with someone, no one is ever going to get laid. Face it, everyone farts during sex at some point. Guys are gonna drip sweat into the eyes of the girl they are fucking. You might even fall off the bed and hear a resounding “Ooof! Get off me! I think you broke my back.” But it is by learning to laugh that we go from being embarrassed to the proprietor of a really funny story.
Have a funny/embarrassing sex story? We’d love to hear it! Send it to firstname.lastname@example.org. Make sure you read our disclaimer page before submitting.