I’ve written articles before about how to initiate it, how to do it in person or over the internet, and how to improve it but I have yet to address what happens in the psyche of a girl after the deed is done. Since men often are confused and uncertain about what girls really mean or want, I’m going to break it down for you.

First, congratulations, you got laid! Give yourself a pat on the back and high five those you told because you got some. I hope it was good for you and if it wasn’t, well, better luck next time. But that isn’t what this is about; this is about how to deal with the aftermath.

Know that we talk about things with our friends. Some of us are more private than others but trust me when I say, that our girlfriends know when we have sex because they are the ones we turn to for advice. So if you start getting funny looks from those around the lady you just diddled with, it’s probably because she told them about how you got a leg cramp mid-thrust or have a weird mole on your butt.

Now, if you meet some random girl and there is no chemistry, let it go. Be polite, say thank you, but stick to your guns and let her know that it was a one-time thing. It will keep her from getting her hopes up. Chances are that a random hookup expects just as little from you as you expect from her. Should you see her again, don’t be a dick and avoid her. Say hello and move on. Any repeat performances will play with her head.

If you have a booty call arrangement with someone or a friends with benefits, chances are that both of you are pretty clear about what you want out of things. However, if there starts to be awkwardness or confusion, be direct and talk about it. Women often feel like men do things out of the blue because you don’t let us know what’s going on before you make a decision.

Whatever you expect from a situation, make sure that you know what it is that you want and what it is that you don’t. Men, you need to understand that for chicks, the not knowing kills us. We don’t know if it was just sex or if you want to do it again. We have no idea if you regret it or enjoyed it. We aren’t sure if you are interested in us as a bang buddy, just friend, or something more unless you say so. I know it sucks to have to be the one to talk about things but if you don’t, it makes for uncertainty and hurt feelings.

Every once in a while, two people, who have been platonic with each other, will cross a line into bedroom territory. When this happens, the situation becomes delicate. Since the foundation of friendship was already there, adding sex into the mix can be confusing. So guys, if you have no intention of making a repeat performance, say so. If you want to repeat, say so. If you want to move in a direction that is less platonic, say so. Not saying anything will lead to tension and the white elephant in the room will start to take up more and more space. And since having a chick friend can come in serious handy occasionally, not bringing up what happened will end up fucking up the social circle.

Here is the warning: Should either or both of you be intoxicated (by any source) during the encounter, know that this creates paranoia. Be careful that whomever you do the horizontal tango with is someone you trust. Drunken  nights can be fun but hazy memories can be dangerous. Moving on…

Women are emotional creatures. Even the ice queens have feelings, though they rarely show it. We are psychologically programmed to connect intimate behaviors with emotions. That means sex is rarely just sex for us (please note: there are exceptions to this rule). Our minds run the gambit of what if scenarios afterward. Was it just sex? Will I hear from him again? Did he use me? Did I use him? Should I call? Does he actually like me? Do I like him? Am I supposed to regret this? Does he regret it? Does he think I’m a slut? Was I bad? You get the idea!

If our behavior changes after you have sex with us, read the above questions. You will understand the maelstrom of uncertainty that is eating at us. So as a girl, I ask all of you men out there to alleviate the fears for us women folk. Be a man and after you bang us, talk about it. Not doing so will probably land you in the category of “douche bag” and trust me; we tell our friends when that happens too.

The discussions always lead down the same road….. That things have gotten boring.

So in an effort to spice things up for all of you, my friends and readers; it is time to learn a lesson. A lesson in foreplay!

For the ladies:

My fellow chicks, I am aware that the male genitalia can be intimidating. It isn’t exactly pretty, there are a couple of accessories that can be distracting, and grooming standards have yet to be standardized. This has led many ladies to ignore or rush through the pre-penetration activities. First, it is just a penis. There is no need to panic! Touching it in any way is going to help it rise to the occasion and will always be appreciated. Try stroking, caressing, or (hell) even exploring his more delicate regions to find out where his particular sensitive areas are. This intimate knowledge gives you an edge; you know how he likes it.

If you are unsure of the basics of there are some tips.

-Not every guy can get or keep an erection. On the underside of his shaft, there is a vein that runs the length. By massaging it gently, you are increasing the blood flow and things will pop up in no time.

-Just under the head, along the ridge, on the underside there is a nerve grouping. Be gentle but give this area some much needed attention, your man will appreciate it.

-Lube is your friend. If you are going to be giving your man a hand job, dry skin on dry skin isn’t always pleasant. So either lotion up your hand ahead of time or be willing to use some lubricants to make the sliding a little easier.

-His balls really are the family jewels. I know, they look weird and just kind of hang there, but trust me on this one. Hold the sack in your hand and (gently) massage. Think of how you would juggle a pair of meditation balls in your fingers, rotating them in your hand…. Your man’s junk likes how that feels too. A few squeezes here and there can be good but keep it soft.

-Men like their nipples played with. Kiss ‘em, suck ‘em, nibble on ‘em, just don’t forget about ‘em.

-Oral. Do it! A lot of women are unsure of their oral skills. I have a very simple suggestion; let your man guide the way. Have him teach you what he likes or what feels good! Keep the suction going; don’t forget to use your tongue, and coordinating hand movements can help too. If all else fails, think of his dick as a lollipop (yes, I mean literally), he’ll love you for twirling the tip around your tongue!

For you men:

In your rush to bang, guys tend to forget that a lady’s engine must be warmed up, cold starts don’t usually work. We need coaxing into sexual activities. Everyone knows that the end goal is penetration but you can’t run a marathon without doing a few warm up exercises. Be aware that some girls are uncomfortable being naked in front of you, so the brighter the lights, the shorter the show. On the other hand, we don’t want you fumbling around in the dark, trying to guess what goes where; so a happy medium will work nicely.

-Our bodies are a scavenger hunt. You know there is going to be buried treasure when you get to the end but reading the map along the way helps you on the journey.

-Kissing is a must. It helps us gauge whether or not there is chemistry with you. And! How good you are with your tongue. Yep, if you can’t kiss then chances are you will be failing the oral exam too.

-Ears, neck, and shoulders. I’m not sure why these are erogenous zones but they are. Trail your fingers along them, kiss softly, bite gently and we’ll start to melt.

-Hair really is like handlebars. I’m going to guide you into this one. Spread your fingers, put them into the hairline at the base of the neck, and get a good grip. It isn’t really about hair “pulling”, it is about getting a good hold. You can use this to guide us. And newsflash, having a man control the tempo during a make-out session is fucking hot!

-Boobs are just boobs. Yes, we like them played with and yes, you should show attention but while they are a playground to you, they are just boobs to us. We aren’t quite as fascinated with our tits as you gentlemen are. So after the initial fascination of seeing our chest, get the show on the road!

-Inner thighs, hips, and butt will unlock better things to come. The saying “close but no cigar” comes to mind with these regions. You are right there and boy, do our bodies know it. Tease away, gentlemen!

-Fingers: appetizers before the main course. We may not be ready to have ALL of you inside us but a preview would be nice. If you do external rubbing, great! Rolling the nub between your thumb and forefinger is fabulous. But if you do internal rubbing, even better! In the words of the legend, Mr. Trent Reznor, feel us from the inside. While poking and jabbing can be pleasant, let me teach you the best method: palm up, insert first finger, curl it slightly (that ridge/bulge is known as the g spot), then thrust in and out. Ta-da!

-Your tongue + our clit = fireworks. On to the best part! Women love oral. If a woman says different, then she hasn’t had it done right. So part the seas, set sail, and bon voyage! While kissing downstairs is nice, we really want your tongue. You can lick the inner lips (up one side/ down the other), insert the tongue, whatever but you need to find the clitoris. Once there, kiss it, lick it, suck it, bite it until she goes wild. If you need a new trick…. Turn your head slightly, take the clit and hood into your mouth, bite gently, apply suction, and then drag your teeth as you pull your head back.

I know that sex is great and it is always going to be the main event. But don’t just go to the theater for the main show; enjoy the previews along the way. Sometimes, you discover something new and you’ll want to remember it for future reference…. I promise!

A few meals stick out in my mind as HUGE “no-nos.” I honestly wish I had discovered these avoidable foods without having to do the field research myself. Many of my favorite foods are on the list, and if I know my night will turn grabby I will try my hardest to make wise choices before going head first into a serving.

FOODS TO, NO MATTER WHAT, AVOID AT ALL COSTS:

While many people would say avoid the obvious offenders of fish and asparagus, I would like to also pass the blame onto curry, garlic, and cheese. These foods are all “toxic” smell generators. They make our foods so much tastier and flavorful; however they also make our tummies not the happiest. One time I felt like eating my weight in Fuel City tacos, after allowing them time to digest and finding myself incredibly bored with our movie choices, I created a fun distraction by jumping the guy I was dating at the time. After we finished we both noticed that our favorite tiny tacos left a pungent smell in the air. The smell was so overwhelming that we could barely remain sitting in the room, let alone even considering going at it again. Thankfully we could both laugh about it later, but it still makes me incredibly weary about eating any Spanish or Mexican food on a date. I like fish tacos, but I don’t like the room to smell the same way.

FOODS, WHEN AN APPROPRIATE AMOUNT OF TIME HAS PASSED, THAT WON’T DISGUST YOU OR YOUR PARTNER:

A few offensive foods, such as seafood, aren’t so bad a few hours after you’ve eaten them. Meaning you could still bump uglies without passing out from poisonous gases or suffering from a case of rumbly tummy.  I remember the first time I realized eating sushi for dinner was a horrible idea. I love sushi but I do not love the smell that comes out of me after spicy tuna mixes with my own natural musk. My ex and I had to change our sheets after we both got so overwhelmed by the smells. Thankfully a few sushi meals later I realized that if we chose to refrain from sex five hours or more before sex the smell would clear itself up naturally and it would never be anywhere near as overwhelming as the first time.

SAFE AND ENCOURAGED FOODS:

If you are trying to eat foods that will attract your guy or girl to you, I have a few suggestions. Unless you are allergic, pineapple, apples, oranges, and bananas are your friends. These fruits are not only healthy and full of fiber, they more importantly dispense a wonderfully sweet flavor on your body. Just like you can taste the alcohol or fish on your lover’s naughty bits, you can taste the sweetness there too. They mingle with your natural scent and draw your lover to you more effectively than you’d imagine. Pineapple will also help “clean out” any foul smells from previous meals. For example, if you plan to eat sushi for dinner, try drinking a cup of pineapple juice before sex time, it truly helps cut the musty smell. Eating ripe fruits was definitely a welcome addition to my pre-sex routine, and I hope the same for you.

Let’s start with the definition.

Word: Fetish

Part of speech: noun

Definition: obsession

I first had to think about the things that I would be unwilling to try when considering my own fetishes and talking with my partner about this subject was enlightening, to say the least. The idea of someone peeing on me completely grosses me out, so I crossed that off the list of things I would be willing to do. I kind of think that bathroom habits should stay bathroom habits and not be confused with bedroom ones. However, I recognize that Water Sports is something that other people enjoy.

I’ve always considered a propensity for latex, leather or lace to be a fetish. If you prefer that your partner wears a specific type of clothing during sex or dons a costume. It can mean painting each other with liquid latex and then peeling it off. It can be the leather masks for dominating another person. Or it could be sticking with the classic romance of lace lingerie. I tend to lean away from all of these. While they can be fun every now and then, I just like being naked.

BDSM is probably the most well known fetish. Bondage, Domination, Sadism, and Masochism can be taken to the extremes but most people stick with the light stuff. Bondage can be simple restraints like tying the wrists together or using a blindfold. Light could even be done without using anything, like being pinned down or held back by the other person. The full on effect would be the harnesses restraints, think Hannibal Lector style. Domination is the act of either being the person fully in charge (the Dom) or willing giving up control (the Sub). This doesn’t always have to be sexual either. My partner was nice enough to inform me that I am a Sub. I’m the girl that can be held down or choked. Call me any name in the book or tell me what to do, I enjoy not being the conductor of this orchestra. Sadism is the enjoyment of inflicting pain, degradation, or humiliation on another person. I’m definitely guilty of this one. I know, that probably doesn’t make much sense with me being a Sub but it is true because I like scratching and biting to the point of blood and bruises if I get too lost in the moment. Masochism is when you enjoy what the Sadist does to you. I’ve never understood the draw of enjoying pain but I know that people, my partner included, are out there who think this is something that spices up their love life. If you consider that I don’t mind being called names and being told what to do, graphically even, then I guess I fit into this one too.

A lot of people have Body Part fetishes. They need to touch someone’s feet to get turned on or they just pay particular attention to their partner’s legs or butt. Involving a certain part of the body is necessary for enjoyment for these folks.

While it may not be considered to be a fetish by some, I would classify Dirty Talk as one. If the verbalization of what you want to do or a fantasy turns you on, congratulations, you and I share a fetish. I enjoy being told what my partner wants to do to me or wants to see me do. Listening to him describe his fantasies or telling him my own, gets my engine going, the dirtier the better too.

Toys are probably the most feminine fetish. Women buy dildos, bullets, and vibrators to get themselves off. It is a fetish that grosses hundreds of millions of dollars in profits every year. There are numerous assortments of sex accoutrements to get your girl off. I’ve found that men enjoy the toys too and have started buying some of their own, like sleeves. They like watching their girls use them or helping out. This leads to another fetish, Masturbation. Many people need to involve touching themselves or watching their partners do so to get turned on. A lot of people use mutual masturbation as a means to an end when they hit a lull because, hey, who knows how you like it better than you do.

Porn has always been known as a male fetish. Men are the most vocal about watching it, owning it, or collecting it. I know that it can actually turn into an addiction for some people. But for me, watching people bang is just another way to get me in the mood. Lately, Porn has morphed into full blown feature films and involves much more romance to entice female viewers. The internet has become the largest source of free porn for most people, replacing videos and magazines of old.

Voyeurism and Exhibitionism are common fetishes too. Voyeurism is when you like watching sexual acts of other people. Exhibitionism is when you enjoy being watched. In the age of web cams, I’ve found that this is becoming more and more widespread, although it is a guilty pleasure for most.

Having a fetish isn’t something to be ashamed of, it is to be embraced. It is a natural phenomenon, a tornado of pleasure to throw your body and imagination into the lands of fantasy. Sex is supposed to be enjoyable for those involved and if a fetish is how you follow the yellow brick road then I’ve only got one thing to say: Welcome to Oz.

After reading and researching this piece, I learned a lot and realized that I’ve enjoyed fetishes for quite some time; I just didn’t know what many of them were called prior to writing this piece. The conversations and questions that I had with many of my friends regarding this subject helped me in my quest for knowledge. On that note: I’d like to give a shoutout to Ken, my partner. The guy was willing to talk all of this over with me and managed to keep a straight face most of the time. Though his evil grin did give away a few of the things he’d be more interested in.

Picture Source: http://wanderingscarab.blogspot.com/2009/01/alternative-lifestyle.html

Making the decision to open a relationship should be well thought out.  It should be discussed in every detail, every what- if scenario highlighted, to ensure that no one gets their feelings hurt. Take it from someone who didn’t do it quite like that.

About five years ago, I had a drunken night. Well, I’ve had lots of drunken nights–but this one in particular was the first step down the road I’ve been walking ever since. You see, I was attracted to one of my friends and wanted to make something happen.  Once I made the initial “so do you wanna…” an orgy ensued.  In the aftermath of that experience, my partner and I had to do some talking.  Both of us had felt like lines were crossed and boundaries were compromised. For me, the jealousy I’d felt explode inside of me while seeing him with another woman could not be explained away.  Needless to say, I freaked.

The discussions afterward led me to realize that I wasn’t feeling satisfied with just my partner. There had always been something wrong with the “just us, forever” part of our life. I was still curious about other people, but I’d accepted that doing anything about that was wrong. It took a few years before I got up the courage to tell him that I wanted more. More than him.

To my complete surprise, he got it. He said that he felt like monogamy was something we were trying, but it just wasn’t working right. We agreed to open up our relationship. At first, our encounters were based on sex. We had threesomes, group sex, orgies. There was girl on girl, there was partner swapping. We learned to experiment with every possible fantasy.  I even got a genuine boy-toy.  But the longer our “openness” revolved around bedroom antics, the less satisfied I was. It even went so far as to make me feel dirty, to feel like a whore.  Because these encounters meant nothing to me and I meant nothing to them. My increasing unhappiness led me to make the biggest mistake of my life. I had an affair.

My partner found out because, well, I can’t lie to save my life. He knew that something was off and became suspicious almost immediately. He told me from the first confrontation that he wasn’t angry about the sex, he wasn’t upset about the fact that I’d fallen in love with my best friend, he only felt betrayed because I’d hidden it all from him. We went through some dark days, questioning every single part of our life together, and in the end, there was only one conclusion. Living a life driven by what society dictates as “right” was not for us. We made the choice to allow each other to not just pursue other sexual relationships. We decided to date.

In January of this year, I was having a conversation about this with a friend and it was the first time I’d ever heard the word “polyamorous.” I went home and googled the term. It was like a whole new world had opened up before me. I didn’t feel like the freak who had rejected monogamy first and swinging second. I found an entire part of society that lived their lives the same way I wanted.

Polyamorous means many loves. It is when someone does not restrict themselves to loving only one person at a time but keeps the possibilities open. These relationships are not always rooted in sex, though it is a common aspect. The men and women who embrace polyamory are everywhere. They still get married. They have children. They work normal jobs and live normal lives.  They are our coworkers, our neighbors, our mail carriers, our firefighters, our civic leaders. In a world that has accepted divorce as completely normal. In a society that turns a blind eye to infidelity. Why is the idea of polyamory so wrong?

My partner knows when I go on a date. I know when he does. I’ve met and become friends with the women that he’s pursued. We are all comfortable around each other because there is no deceit. The nature of their relationship has not been hidden, no one is lying. We’re honest and open, one hundred percent of the time. Jealousy does occur but we just talk about it and make sure that our actions take the other person’s feelings into account.

I can’t say that every relationship I’ve had since declaring myself to be poly has been successful. There have been breakups and I’ve been through an incredible amount of pain because of them. However, I’ve learned to be more confident in myself and stand up for what I want. My partner and I work with a set of guidelines to make sure that we are relationship is safe. And most importantly, our devotion to each other never waivers.

There is a sense of freedom knowing that I can be completely in love with someone and yet, be able to date other people. The polyamorous community has welcomed me and I’ve met some of the warmest people and made the greatest friends. The majority of those that I’ve told, who aren’t poly, have been incredibly curious and accepting. They may not understand my choice to be poly, anymore than I understand theirs to be mono, but few have been judgmental.

The greatest lesson that I’ve learned from deciding to switch my relationship label from monogamous to polyamorous has been that making yourself happy is more important than fitting into a label or “the box.” Too many married people envy their friends who are still single because they want that sense of freedom back. Too many single people break up because one isn’t willing to settle down and commit to the other. I get the best of both worlds.

My beard fetish has gotten me in trouble a few times in my life.  Just the other day I met up with some friends for drinks.  I was sitting in a booth across from a beard enthusiast and all but demanded that he allow me to pet his face.  Thankfully he was a good sport and moved his face closer to my outstretched hand so I could give his a face a friendly rubbing.  I have tried this on occasion with guys, it’s usually my way of showing interest in them, just like they try to brush away hair from a girl’s face or place an apprehensive hand on a knee.  And sometimes it’s just because I want to imagine what that beard would feel like somewhere other than my hand…

The only downfall with loving beards is the inevitable “beard burn.”  I love feeling a beard everywhere on my body, but I hate when I stroll into work the morning after a particularly passionate sexcapade just to discover I can barely sit down because my pants are figuratively on fire.  And everyone knows when you wear a dress to work and squirm in your desk chair you had a pretty fun time the night before…or you have the Herp, but that’s for another story.  Sometimes it is Bad Decision City to fool around with a guy just because he has a beard and some deliciously long fingers. But even though I know I’ll have trouble sitting for a few days, I still loving feeling a beard on my thighs.

For more bearded goodness check out Beard Revue

The first response was from a boy whose girlfriend farted while he was performing oral. Another gentleman informed me that when losing his virginity, he had trouble finding the point of entry because it was further down than he expected. Or there was the guy who was enjoying his first anal sex experience and then pulled out to find several turds coming out too. Then the girl whose gag reflex kicked in and she vomited orange juice all over her man’s pecker. Of course, I had to laugh at the man who was horny enough to have sex with his girlfriend while she was on her period, just to faint on top of her when he saw the blood. This is made even funnier when she told me he was too heavy for her to move on her own, so she had to wait for him to regain consciousness to finally roll him off her body. Another girl told a story about having drunk sex with her boyfriend at a party by grabbing him unexpectedly as he walked by and forcing him into a bathroom. Afterwards, she discovered that it was actually his twin brother. Also, a gal told me how she discovered that her man-toy had an affinity for giggling like a school girl every time he came.

A few of the answers were so funny to me that I felt I could not do them justice without quoting them directly.

“Back in college I was having sex with my then-girlfriend in her dorm room. Her parents made a surprise visit, and I had to get dressed and get out of Dodge, pronto. In the rush & confusion, I grabbed HER jeans by mistake and went hopping down the hall with a tiny pair of girl jeans that wouldn’t go much higher than my knees.”

“Some friends remind me that I’m a ‘Toe Fucker’ now and then because the first thing to enter my vagina was a guy’s big toe. When I was 13, I think, following a racy game of truth or dare. I should probably be embarrassed about that, but actually I’m just kind of proud that I don’t have a foot fetish. You’d think I’d be into feet since it was my first real sexual experience and it left an impression.”

“One time when I was getting it on with my ex, we were doing it doggie style on his bed and I guess his dog, Smokey, thought it looked like fun because he tried to join in.”

One of my own personal stories was having sex while a movie was playing on the TV and suddenly one of the characters started to imitate a peacock’s call by yelling “My eye! My eye!” over and over again. To which both my partner and I burst into hysterics. Needless to say, neither of us were able to continue.

Embarrassing moments are part of life, they happen. When it occurs during our most intimate of occasions, it can be hard to find the funny and move forward. The best thing for us to focus on is that if we let every little awkward circumstance affect whether or not we pursue a sexual encounter with someone, no one is ever going to get laid. Face it, everyone farts during sex at some point. Guys are gonna drip sweat into the eyes of the girl they are fucking. You might even fall off the bed and hear a resounding “Ooof! Get off me! I think you broke my back.” But it is by learning to laugh that we go from being embarrassed to the proprietor of a really funny story.

Have a funny/embarrassing sex story? We’d love to hear it! Send it to info@nerdyperv.com. Make sure you read our disclaimer page before submitting.

We all have those times when we are out of town or away from our current sexual partner.  It becomes a case of trying to figure out a way to maintain that sexual connection despite the distance.  The idea for this article was suggested to me by a friend and avid reader. He was venting about the fact that he has a hard time figuring out how to overcome the awkwardness of initiating cyber sex.  When we were discussing the possibilities, he even threw a title my way “tips for the out-of-town guy who could really use some sexual interaction but has no idea how to initiate cyber sex because he thinks deep down inside it’s for teenagers.”  The laughable frustration in that title alone shows how most of us feel when trying to initiate a sexy cyber moment. Since I’ve spent a large part of my adult life away from my partner, I’ve learned a few tricks of the trade.

The Suggestion:

You’ll need to feel out if your partner is even amenable to the idea of an inter-web tango.  Often times I’ve felt the artlessness that comes with trying to determine if my partner would enjoy spicing up our email or IM conversations.  I try asking pointed and leading questions.  I ask if he remembers certain events, if there is anything that he wishes I would do, if we should try something new in the future, etc. I make sure that I am not graphic and that my language remains tasteful. This is the easiest way to suggest a possible encounter.

Setting The Mood:

Do not forget that there is a time and place for everything.  While my partner was in a hotel room with the lights off and completely alone, I was a world away in the middle of a busy evening with people all around me and so much noise I could barely concentrate on what I was typing.  Keep in mind that your cyber sex needs to take place in the basic parameters that your normal sex would be: in private. Distractions and/or time constraints on either end can mean a lack of attention which can definitely kill any mood.

Initiating:

I am a firm believer that initiating sex should be a seamless process.  You wouldn’t start a romantic evening out by tearing your clothes off unless you knew for certain that there wouldn’t be an objection on the other end.  While I know telling my man, “I could just suck your cock right now” would instantly get him in the mood, the reverse might not always be true.  Until you are at a level of familiarity with the process, start slow.  Tell the person that you: miss them, are lonely, wish you were there, want to kiss them, want to kiss their lips, want to taste their mouth, wish you could kiss down their chin, are thinking about licking the nape of their neck, etc.  Small pushes will get you down the hill of ecstasy a lot faster most of the time.  I’m not saying that every person needs to be guided along in such a sensitive fashion, but adding a little romance to your cyber-seduction can’t hurt.  If later on you want to do an e-ripping off of the clothes, feel free, but I don’t recommend starting out that way.

Overcoming:

When there is a level of gawkiness to having an online erotic occasion, please keep in mind that using graphic words will induce giggles, not moans.  If either you or your partner is an amateur at this endeavor, start softly, just as you would in person.  Adding the sensual side can make it a smooth transition from “kissing your shaft” to “fucking your dick”. Some people view the graphic words for our genitalia as funny, raunchy, and sometimes even dirty.  This is their main objection to participating in an IM romp.  For these people, I would say that for the first few times, stick with clean words.  Substitute “hole” or “slit” instead of saying “pussy.”  And keep in mind that “penis” and “vagina” sound incredibly clinical, and can even be a turn off.  Often this inept use of boudoir vocabulary can be completely circumvented by simply saying, “I wish you were in me.” Plain and to the point.

Tips for a Fun and Successful Execution:

Like any private moment between two lovers, there needs to be a sense of longing.  If the person you are communicating with feels like you aren’t truly into them, it will kill the moment.  Try to only talk about things that you know your partner enjoys.  Boys: don’t describing hammering into a girl’s ass if you know she hates the idea of anal sex.  Girls: don’t talk about giving your guy a golden shower if he’s not open to experiencing this. After you finish your email rendezvous, this is a time for intense conversation regarding your current bedroom habits. If you would like to try out something new and your partner doesn’t object, use it in your next fantasy.  But once again, new exploits must be approached with caution; remembering slow and easy is the best.

When it comes to cyber sex, the one question that will keep you on the right path is always going to be the same: ”Do you like that?”

At first, it felt like I was wetting the bed but that was just because of the amount of moisture involved. I would have gotten embarrassed if it weren’t for the fact that the man underneath me looked like he had just entered heaven. It was as if pleasure itself had liquefied and was cascading from my body. In that moment, neither of us cared about the mess involved because we were both shocked. I hadn’t even known what to call the gushing sensation until the boy spoke up to say, “Wow! I’ve never had a girl squirt before.” That was when I discovered that by locking this part of my copulating instincts away for so long, I’d been denying myself and my lovers one of the most infamous sex acts.

I later confided in a friend and she informed me that men go wild when they find out a woman has this distinct ability. Despite the fact I’d just spent hours the previous day soaking a mattress through, I wasn’t completely convinced and sought my answers on the Internet. The plethora of information regarding the phenomenon was stunning to a newbie like me. Apparently, the female ejaculation is often confused with urine by both the woman and her partner if either is unfamiliar with the process. But, don’t freak out too much since the fluid does not have the same odor or smell. There are great variances from one woman’s body to the next with squirting. For instance, while it is possible to orgasm and ejaculate at the same time, they do not always happen simultaneously. Some woman only expel a small amount of liquid (think tablespoons), while others produce large quantities (think measuring cups).

After the initial occurrence, it was obvious that I had been missing out. I decided that the best way to perfect my performance was practice. I talked openly with my partner and we decided to start an experiment of sorts. Thus started the ‘How To Make Christin Squirt’ project. We discovered that I couldn’t gush without having penetration first. I learned to control it by concentration so that after some really good insertions, even oral would accomplish the task. Then I realized I could squirt in succession, with the only challenges being dehydration and willingness to pre-plan. Eventually, I invested in waterproof blankets and even a vinyl covered mat that could be laid directly on the floor or on top of my mattress.

Telling sexual partners was slightly awkward at first because I was still embarrassed. I had to warn them that some of our encounters needed to be planned in order for me to really get into the heat of the moment. Learning how to handle things wasn’t easy but with time, I did become confident enough in my own abilities to take care of these details on my own. My actions caused curiosity but rarely disappointment.

Not every man or woman enjoys being with someone who can squirt. I admit that I’ve only had one person tell me that it was not their idea of a good time. The vast majority of my other sex partners have actually requested that I do it more often. These acknowledgments have made me think that this talent is a blessing, despite its complications.

If I do decide to get down and dirty with someone, I look forward to feeling the gush. It feels like bliss is pouring out of me and, until the well runs dry that feeling doesn’t stop. So when the mood strikes me now, I simply look to my partner and say, “Let’s get messy!”

After a few friends received, and coincidentally loved, an IUD, I decided to investigate this contraceptive more. It came in a hormone free version and had a one time application–filling my requirements perfectly. The only downfall was the initial pain associated, worry of it “falling out,” and the stigma still associated with it. In its early inception (Dalkon Shield), studies found it lead to an increased change of Pelvic Inflammation. However, the newer versions have seen less frequency of the infections.

Jezebel had a great write up on IUDs today. Check it out. It may help you and your partner make a more educated choice when it comes to contraceptives!

http://jezebel.com/5325783/why-women-dont-get-iuds

For more information about IUDs and other forms of birth control: http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-topics/birth-control-4211.htm