The conversations that I’ve had with other women (and men) have made me see that this taboo act is more misunderstood than anything. Only those who are really into it are really sure how to do it. The rest of the population seems to be grappling in the dark for the right approach. Now I won’t go into my personal preferences and I’ll admit to not being an “anal expert” but if you need some points- let me show you the direction.
#1- Kill the pain
There is a product call “Anal Ease”; use it. A small squirt rubbed around the inner and outer rim to the entrance is plenty. Then wipe off the finger and start another activity because it takes about ten minutes to kick in. Starting too soon will kill his ability to feel sensations which is bad juju.
#2- Lube is your friend
The ass is the one orifice used for sex that does not self-lubricate. Due to this fact, you need to provide your own. Your best bet is something water based because silicone based products can have negative reactions (ie: fusing) to condoms and other toys. You’ll need to add a squirt to the entrance and then slather it on the shaft. This is the one instance where there really can’t be too much of a good thing.
#3- Try before you buy
Regarding the rear end, you need to realize that trying it out before you buy into the entire concept is the best approach. Fingers and toys will help “ready the area”. It is definitely a case of practice, practice, practice.
#4- Slower is better
Please understand that until you are used to it. It is going to hurt. The guy MUST be patient when starting out. Make sure that you are inserting into the hole because it can be hard to be sure exactly where it is without looking. As he inserts, you are going to need to pause when it starts to hurt too much. The feeling will subside and then he can push in a little more. It can take a while to get it all in there and he needs to maintain an erection the whole time or efforts will have to be abandoned for another day. Once in, slow and steady is the best pace until you are ready for more.
#5- Sporking!
I know that some people are partial to spooning for cuddling and this is a great starting position for beginners with anal forking. Ladies, lift your top leg, stick your butt out, and rotate your hips. Sometimes this position can be challenging for those with smaller packages but it is still the best starting point.
Just because a girl has done anal with one guy does not mean that she’ll like it with another. It is an act that can be pleasurable under the right circumstances but the majority of women have to really trust a man before “going there”. Since so many folks have the “exit only” strategy, don’t push the idea. This is normally about the shit-factor and; let’s face it, if the guys can’t deal with a little shit on his dick then he isn’t ready for anal. Word of warning for after though: Zac and Miri were right- it will “loosen you up”.
If you are ready to give this particular variety of fornication a try, this is the one time that you’ll need that Boy Scout motto. “Be prepared!” Also, practice makes perfect (but that’s just my opinion)!

#1- You are not his mother

Yes, men like to feel cared for and taken care of. Who doesn’t? When they have a bad day, they want someone to listen. When they are tired, they like it when they don’t have to worry about getting dinner. However, there is a line. It isn’t your responsibility to do things FOR him. Not a single of my guy friends wants a chick that tells them what to do or treats them like they are incapable of handling the details of their own life. You don’t earn brownie points with the guys by acting like their mother; you just remind him that he should probably call her because it has been a while since they last talked.

#2- Men want a partner

The world has changed since our parents and their parents started out. Marriage is happening later in life for a lot of people and “traditional” gender roles don’t really exist anymore. I don’t know about you, ladies, but I date grown men- who can do their own laundry, make their own lunch, balance their own checkbook, pay their own bills, and make their own life plans. Guys want the same! My buddies have expressed, on numerous occasions, just how much it bothers them when they meet a girl who has fits the checklist and then, as things progress, they find out that she wants to step back in time fifty years. Guys like it when women have goals and plans. They like it when we can support ourselves and are moving forward in our lives. Knowing that we don’t NEED them; lets them see that we keep them around because we WANT them.

#3- Handle your business

When a recent friend ended a relationship, he told me how he had felt like he was the life-preserver to the sinking ship. Every time his ex had a problem, it was the end of the world and he was expected to be the superhero. While I don’t discount the mental picture of my significant other being my personal hero, I recognize that men hate the pressure of having to “fix” every situation. Guys want a girl who can take the bad in stride. Yes, your car will break down but that doesn’t mean they know how to fix it and, even if they do, they might just prefer that you call the mechanic. Consulting a guy for his opinion isn’t the same as expecting him to take care of it for you. So handle your business; after all, it’s yours.

#4- Smile

Ask any man what the most attractive feature is on a woman and they will tell you: her smile. I admit that they appreciate other “assets” but when it comes to true beauty, a smile tells all. Your smile is the window to your personality and every version of it opens another door into the world of “you”.

#5- There is a time and place

To quote the great Ludacris, men want a “lady in the street and a freak in the bed”. In public, men appreciate when you can mind your manners. Knowing what is appropriate to say and the context of the situation for how to act is incredibly important. But in private, let loose. When you are naked and rolling around in the sheets, it is the last place a man wants to worry about holding back. Your body issues or lack of self esteem are a turn OFF. You didn’t shave? He’ll deal because, though the packaging may not be as pretty, the machinery still works. If you get a guy in the bedroom, don’t be afraid to try things out. You can maintain your comfort zone but acting like a dead fish will kill your romance.

I could go on and on about how girls should act in relationships. I’ve had my share of good and bad ones. I’ve made mistakes and I’ve done stupid shit. And every time, my “boys” have shaken their heads at me and said “what the hell did you do that for?” Girls, stop trying to be someone that you are not to please a man. Stop acting like you are perfect and, by default, deserve perfection. Accept that you are fallible but you don’t need to change for a guy. Men aren’t looking for a façade. They don’t want the copy, the print, the reproduction; they want the true work of art- the original you.

Photo Source

Parting ways with people in your life can be catastrophic. Sometimes it is with a romantic partner, sometimes an employer, but most often it happens with friends. We’ve all gone through this and felt the pain of a deteriorating friendship, but what’s important is learning to pick ourselves up and continue on. Many times all you need for a mature break are a few Friendship Breakup ground rules.

No name calling!

I cannot stress this enough. Just because a person is no longer in your life it is not okay to insult him behind his back. The more negativity you spread, the worse it will be–for you. Calling someone a derogatory name brings you down. The people around you will see you as being petty and they will remember you sunk so low.

Keep the secrets

I know that this may seem like an odd thing to emphasize but it is vitally important. When you are in any relationship, sensitive information will be passed your way. Just because the intimacy between you has ended, the confidentiality has not. There may be instances where you were keeping a secret out of a sense of obligation, not because you thought it was the right thing to do. Please remember that this person once trusted you and your betrayal is unconscionable. It isn’t always possible to maintain the vault of secrecy but telling tales out of spite is just plain wrong.

Stick to the facts

The people around you are going to know that you have undergone a friendship termination. Most of the time, venting happens. It is natural and it is understandable. However, elaborating or just plain exaggerating is big fat no-no. Getting into a game of he said, she said produces no winners. What if’s do not change the facts. So coulda, woulda, shoulda all you want but stick to the truth.

Be respectful

It is hard enough to lose a friend but don’t make things worse. Be nice. I’ve found that many people lose their ability to act with grace when they go through The Friendship Breakup. Take the high road on this one. Don’t try to cut them down; don’t try to make them feel small. Arguing will get you nowhere and accusations to cause guilt don’t work. Acting with tact will allow you to walk away with your head held high.

Stand your ground

In the midst of a disagreement, we all become tempted to make concessions. Compromise or admissions seem inevitable but I discourage you from doing either. There is nothing wrong with standing up for yourself and demanding to be treated well. If something bothers you, say so. Don’t allow another person to violate your self-respect. We all know what we want and what we need to get back from the people in our lives, if you aren’t getting that then speak up. Be firm but be polite.

I do not believe in burning bridges we may need or want to cross again later. Just because a person is leaving your life now, does not mean that they won’t enter it again and under better circumstances. Wish them luck and spread some good karma around. You were friends for a reason! You loved them and, whether you admit it or not, you are going to miss that person. Letting go can be hard but take a deep breath, you’ll get through the pain. Your former friend is hurting too and there is no sense in trying to purposefully inflict more on either of you. Taking that step back and viewing the situation logically will be difficult. Being reasonable when you want to be irrational is going to be challenging but recognizing your own culpability in whatever issues or problems occurred will help you heal. It will also help prevent you from making those same mistakes again.

Picture source: His Sweet Heart

A few meals stick out in my mind as HUGE “no-nos.” I honestly wish I had discovered these avoidable foods without having to do the field research myself. Many of my favorite foods are on the list, and if I know my night will turn grabby I will try my hardest to make wise choices before going head first into a serving.

FOODS TO, NO MATTER WHAT, AVOID AT ALL COSTS:

While many people would say avoid the obvious offenders of fish and asparagus, I would like to also pass the blame onto curry, garlic, and cheese. These foods are all “toxic” smell generators. They make our foods so much tastier and flavorful; however they also make our tummies not the happiest. One time I felt like eating my weight in Fuel City tacos, after allowing them time to digest and finding myself incredibly bored with our movie choices, I created a fun distraction by jumping the guy I was dating at the time. After we finished we both noticed that our favorite tiny tacos left a pungent smell in the air. The smell was so overwhelming that we could barely remain sitting in the room, let alone even considering going at it again. Thankfully we could both laugh about it later, but it still makes me incredibly weary about eating any Spanish or Mexican food on a date. I like fish tacos, but I don’t like the room to smell the same way.

FOODS, WHEN AN APPROPRIATE AMOUNT OF TIME HAS PASSED, THAT WON’T DISGUST YOU OR YOUR PARTNER:

A few offensive foods, such as seafood, aren’t so bad a few hours after you’ve eaten them. Meaning you could still bump uglies without passing out from poisonous gases or suffering from a case of rumbly tummy.  I remember the first time I realized eating sushi for dinner was a horrible idea. I love sushi but I do not love the smell that comes out of me after spicy tuna mixes with my own natural musk. My ex and I had to change our sheets after we both got so overwhelmed by the smells. Thankfully a few sushi meals later I realized that if we chose to refrain from sex five hours or more before sex the smell would clear itself up naturally and it would never be anywhere near as overwhelming as the first time.

SAFE AND ENCOURAGED FOODS:

If you are trying to eat foods that will attract your guy or girl to you, I have a few suggestions. Unless you are allergic, pineapple, apples, oranges, and bananas are your friends. These fruits are not only healthy and full of fiber, they more importantly dispense a wonderfully sweet flavor on your body. Just like you can taste the alcohol or fish on your lover’s naughty bits, you can taste the sweetness there too. They mingle with your natural scent and draw your lover to you more effectively than you’d imagine. Pineapple will also help “clean out” any foul smells from previous meals. For example, if you plan to eat sushi for dinner, try drinking a cup of pineapple juice before sex time, it truly helps cut the musty smell. Eating ripe fruits was definitely a welcome addition to my pre-sex routine, and I hope the same for you.

IS A BEARD RIGHT FOR YOU?
This is the first thing to keep in mind, because not everyone can rock a beard. You could have patchy facial hair, a handsome face that has no business hiding behind a bunch of scruff, or a beard just may not suit you. Ask around, figure out if a beard is right for you. Beards are sexy, but sometimes they hide parts of your face that you are less than thrilled with. Maybe you have less than perfect skin or you chin comes in multiples; a beard will mask imperfections and highlight the best parts of your face.

ALWAYS CONDITION YOUR BEARD
A beard is the ultimate symbol of manliness (wearing flannel and hanging out with a big blue ox is a little over-kill though). I can think of nothing I love more than feeling a man’s beard on my skin. Be it a little stubble or a full deliciously bushy beard, once you decide to grow it you’ll need to start thinking of the hair differently. Just like you shampoo and condition your hair (and if you’re not conditioning your hair after shampooing, then you need to get on that too) in the shower, adding a little conditioner to your beard will soften the hair, decrease the occurrences of ingrown hairs, and leave the follicles silky smooth and touchable. Your beard will be way more manageable for you, and your lady friend will be so thrilled I promise she’ll start thinking dirty thoughts about where on her body you can test the softness.

A TIDY BEARD IS A HAPPY BEARD
Women keep themselves tidy down there, so consider that when rubbing your face all over a lady pocket. I’m not suggesting you need to trim it every day that would defeat the functionality of the beard. Keep your neck shaved and the length of the beard the same—a patchy, yet full beard, looks more hobo than appealing. Long beards are totally acceptable, but remember that you are a man with a beard, don’t let the beard overshadow you. We still want to see the man behind the beard.

IT’S TOO HOT/COLD FOR MY BEARD!!
ALWAYS mind the weather when deciding to grow out your beard. Why would you want to wear a full beard in the middle of a Texas summer, when a little stubble would do suit you just as well? Also, does it make sense to shave that beard you spent months growing two weeks into December when the wind chill is as cold as the Arctic Tundra? Yes, beards are more function than fashion, however if you start to think of it as an accessory you can figure out the perfect times to have a fuller beard versus a shadow beard.

AND FINALLY, REMEMBER THE BEARD MAGNET
Beards will undoubtedly attract a hand or two. Be prepared when a beard loving lady asks to rub your beard. It’s her way of getting close and expressing interest in you. Decide if this is something you are willing to have happen—if not, shave that beard, you are not worthy!

P.S. Facial hair funniness! Source: Holy Taco

The other downfall of going to a single-sex college in the middle of nowhere is the inevitability that if you do find a guy you’re interested in enough to date, you will not see each other every day.  And thus begins the dreaded long-distance relationship.  Personally, I never had a problem with dating long distance because I loved the idea that I would have someone who cared about me and wanted to know how my day was, but I also had the freedom to do whatever I wanted.  Ultimately, I could do my thing and he could do his.  I guess this openness to long-distance dating stems from me being the baby of the family and having problems sharing. It’s just a theory.

It was only fitting that the first man I ever fell in love with lived three hours away from me and then moved three states away.  Now, I know you’re probably saying: “Gwen, GIRL! Why are you chasing men out of the state?” It wasn’t intentional.  I actually intended to move to the same city as him before we even met, but after I met him I was even more inspired to do so.  Unfortunately the move was just not meant to be and eventually, after months of chatting and occasional weekend visits, he broke it to me that he was moving to another state.  To say I was heartbroken would be an understatement, but with our rose-colored glasses on, we decided to try a long distance relationship.  With technology on our side, we set forth with this grand delusion that “maybe, this time” a long distance relationship could work.  Long story short, although it did work for us for awhile, our relationship eventually lost steam and we lost our connection to each other.

I still believe that long distance can work, but I learned from my experience that there are a few important things that couples need to keep in mind and discuss before tackling this type of relationship.

LONG DISTANCE? REALLY??

Obviously the two of you would discuss this first.  Is this something both of you want?  Are you going this route because you really want to be together or because you don’t want to let go? If it’s the former, you’re on the right track.  If it’s the latter, maybe you guys should try a break and if you come back to each other then it’s meant to be.  Yeah, I know that sounds like something a Magic Eight Ball would tell you, but it’s just the plain truth.  You must also remember that you trust this person, trust is like oxygen to this relationship and what are you doing if you can’t trust this person anyway?  Long distance is hard and if there is any reason why you would not want to be with your significant other, besides the distance thing, then you need to be responsible and talk about it—because honestly the only thing you two have going for you right now are your words.

DON’T GET A CASE OF SHUT-UP MOUTH

The balance between communicating too much and not enough is very fine.  When you have the luxury to be in the same city as your guy, you can get away with just sitting in a room with him and not talking.  This does not work on the phone.  Instead of conveying your level of comfort with him, staying mum on the phone or webcam can actually cause him to think you’re unhappy, keeping things from him, or completely disinterested.  At the same time, if you text him every hour on the hour you can overwhelm him; remember he’s just as busy as you are, and boys are shit multitaskers anyway.  Remind him you love him and that you miss him, I know he feels the same way and enjoys getting a message from you saying so!  Don’t get too upset if he or she can’t get back to you right away, it’s all about learning and being patient.

BUT I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU’D CALL!!

Now that you’ve decided to go through with this ridiculous plan, you’ll need to work on a mutually agreeable schedule.  My guy and I worked during the day, and at first we talked throughout the day on instant messenger.  Eventually our work schedules got so busy that neither of us could stay long enough at our desks to shoot off an I love you before getting pulled away.  We switched to talking at night on our drives home; it was great knowing we had someone to keep us awake on that 2AM drive back to the Bat Cave.  But even that became difficult when either of us went out with friends, went on business trips, or just wanted some time to ourselves.  This is when a schedule came in handy.  I knew that no matter what, I had to call at 11PM, even if it was just to say goodnight.  And he always sent me a good morning text, which frequently put a bounce in my step.

Remember, if you make a promise to call at a certain time, make sure you do.  There is no worst feeling than waiting for your loved one to call and then he doesn’t.  Now, sometimes things just happen and you don’t have cell reception/internet access/you’re too drunk to string together a sentence, but an apology first thing in the morning goes a lot farther than ignoring it or even turning defensive when he finally confronts you.  Admit you’ve done a wrong and all will be forgotten, but ignore it or refuse to take responsibility and your SO will lose patience and trust in you very quickly.

TO TOUCH ANOTHER, OR, YOU KNOW, MAYBE NOT…

Every now and then we get tempted by someone new, or we just miss feeling someone touch us, and it’s up to you to recognize when you should fess up to your far-away lover.  Talk with your guy and decide what you both agree is cheating.  Maybe both of you agree that kissing is okay, but absolutely no sex and you have to tell each other.  Or perhaps neither of you wants the other to fool around with someone else.  If you feel tempted, you need to leave the situation and call your lady or man—no Ifs, Ands, or Buts.  My feeling towards this could be completely different than yours, it’s all about what the two of you are comfortable with.  Honestly is the most important thing, and if you feel like you’ve pushed the boundaries of your agreement too far, you need to confess and handle to consequences like a big girl.

CONJUGAL VISITS AREN’T JUST FOR PRISONERS!

Finally, don’t forget to plan trips!  You cannot sustain a relationship forever on teledates and late-night phone sex—although they are fun and satisfying when needs be.  The two of you should have a goal in mind and work towards it.  Even if you can’t afford to go somewhere fancy, just putting in the effort to plan the trip builds morale.  Also, don’t underestimate the power of the stay-cation.  When you are together, don’t forget to get out of the house at some point, even if it’s just to get fresh air and a snack.  Focus on each other, turn off the TV, computer, and even your phones during the day.  Most importantly, use your visits to move your relationship forward.  Find time to detach yourselves from each other’s lady and man bits, and talk about a dating time frame.  It will not only give you a much needed sex break, it will also reaffirm that both of you want to be together.

hey girl heeeyyyy! the break up list continues! i know break ups are hard, but you MUST handle your shit and take control of your life! you can’t just fall to pieces! do not let your heart drop into the pit of your stomach! keep moving, and keep busy! the minute you stop, you might collapse, so just keep going forward:

DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT PICK AT YOUR FACE!

Weird, my mother says the same thing…

DO NOT CHECK HIS FACEBOOK/TWITTER PAGE/OR BLOG EVERY HOUR ON THE HOUR!

This one’s tough for me too. But seriously!  I promise he’s not checking your statuses, receiving your mobile updates, or even following you anymore, so you’re really only upsetting yourself every time you check his updates.  REMINDER: reading his stuff is no longer research–it’s stalking!!!

BREATHE! STOP WONDERING WHEN, AND WITH WHO HE’S GONNA MAKE-OUT WITH OR SEXX FIRST! DON’T LET HIS ACTIONS DEFINE YOUR ACTIONS. ONLY PAY ATTENTION TO YOURSELF! MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS. AND WHEN YOU’RE READY/WANT TO FOOL AROUND WITH SOMEONE NEW- DO IT! BUT DON’T TRY TO PROVE A POINT TO HIM.

And anyway, there is nothing worse than making out with someone in a parking lot, getting totally into it, and then opening your eyes and realizing it’s not him. TRUST you’ll get there, but don’t rush it.

DO NOT SLEEP WITH ANY/ALL OF YOUR EX’S FRIENDS! IT’S NOT COOL. NOT COOL AT ALL. UNLESS HE DID IT TO YOU. THEN GO FOR IT. AN EYE FOR AN EYE! EVEN IF IT MIGHT MAKE THE WORLD BLIND!

Totally not my thing and totally not cool…

YOU CAN’T BE MAD IF HE KISSES/SEXXXES SOMEONE NEW. HE’S NOT YOUR BOYFRIEND ANYMORE.

(HOLY FUCK. THAT LAST ONE WAS EVEN TOO MUCH FOR ME, AND I’M WRITING THIS LIST! YUCK. JUST THE THOUGHT MAKES ME WANT TO CRAWL UNDER A ROCK AND DIE/FUCK EVERYONE AS I RIP HIS HEART OUT FOR MAKING ME DO IT- CUZ HE DID IT FIRST AND I WANT TO SHOW HIM HOW MUCH HIS ACTIONS HURT ME. EVEN THOUGH HE’S NOT MINE/NOT MY LITTLE BEAR CUB ANYMORE! ANYWAYZIES, BACK TO WHAT I WAS SAYING ABOUT STAYING POSITIVE:)

This is the one fact that I can’t even begin to stomach.  I hate thinking about it (I do think about it more than I should) and hand-to-God I hope I never have to see him tongue wrestle anyone…=(

DON’T WASTE TOO MUCH TIME RE-HASHING WHAT HAPPENED, WITH EVERY PERSON YOU KNOW WHO CALLS AND SAYS ‘WHAT HAPPENED?’ IT’S OK FOR THE FIRST COUPLE OF DAYS. BUT OTHER THAN THAT, IT’S EATING INTO TIME THAT COULD BE SPENT MUCH MORE PRODUCTIVELY!

And honestly everyone you’ve talked to about it is sick and tired of hearing about your broken heart.  It’s not that they don’t love you and want you to be happy, it’s just that the whole situation is out of anyone’s control.

MAKE-OUT WITH VINCENT GALLO!

Or if VG isn’t your speed, making-out in the back alley of the Four Season’s with any other creepy-sexy celebrity/man will do just fine

WITHOUT KNOWING HOW OR WHY, ASSUME YOU’LL BE ATTENDING THE ACADEMY AWARDS NEXT YEAR- AND LIVE YOUR LIFE ACCORDINGLY! TAKE YOURSELF SERIOUSLY, MAINTAIN YOUR BEAUTY, AND TREAT YOURSELF LIKE THE PRINCESS YOU ARE! NO YOU!

This is what we like to call “putting it out in the Universe”

MOISTURIZE EVERY BIT OF YOUR BODY BEFORE BED! ESPECIALLY YOUR BOOBS EVEN!

I especially like this point, because it will make you feel pretty! And everyone should feel pretty!!

Source: IMBOYCRAZY

Nerds and Pervs alike know that breaking up is not fun, but it is part of the dating equation.  We can all hope that our relationships won’t end this way, but sometimes it just cannot be avoided.  This man was my first real boyfriend, and I learned a lot from dating him.  My experience with this fresh break-up has inspired me to write a guide to respectful break-ups.

THINK ABOUT IT:

If you have decided it’s time to end your relationship, think it through.  I’m sure you have already, and if you still remotely care for this person, consider his feelings.  It’s important to remember two people are in this relationship, and you’d want them to think about your feelings too. If you recognize there are certain traits about your partner that you just can’t get past or this person has done something egregious to you, it’s time to move on.  But if you find yourself still attached and willing to work it out, by all means try.  Communication is key—be it with yourself or with your partner.  The more honest you are with yourself, the more honest you will be with your partner.  And if the two of you are living together, you’ll need to find a new place to crash for awhile if you do not think your partner will be amiable to leaving (or you aren’t on the lease).   Relationships should be fun and make you happy, not stressful and full of disappointment.

BE RESPECTFUL:

Okay, so you thought it through, presented your partner with some of your complaints, and you still think it’s time to end things. Here is the part that is obvious in theory and rarer in practice.  Of course you think you or your partner will respect each other and end things neatly, and if you can do that then five points to Gryffindor for you!  However, I have seen one too many couples declare their undying love for each other one minute and then all but put out a hit for each other the next.  What I’m trying to get at is nothing ends easily or neatly; you may walk away from the relationship friends, but that can take time.  The hurt is still there, and it is vital to respect his needs just as much as yours.  Remember, this is a person you have done dirty, naughty things with; at least be respectful enough to tell him you’re done, in person.  Now, if he does not get the message and freaks out by slashing your tires, hold your head up high knowing that you were the bigger person—and then ask for a certified money order for the damages.

JUST DO IT, ALREADY!:

We’ve thought it out, written down what we want to say, practiced in the shower as if taking on a bully in elementary school (or even high school if you were me), and the moment has finally come to lay it all out there.  You cannot go back once you’ve started.  Doing so just sends mixed messages and will make you no happier the next day.  By all means, fuck him before you say your peace—it may even relax the two of you—but don’t forget your objective.  It’s not fun and it’s not going to be easy, but the quicker you pull off the Band-Aid, the quicker you can start playing around with other hot, able bodies!

DIVIDE AND CONQUER:

When it’s all said and done, there are still little things that need to be worked out—like dividing assets.  He may have some of your clothes at his house and you may have some of his at yours.  If the two of you agree to return items, follow through.  And if you were engaged and break up, you should return the ring.  I know I know, it’s yours and you deserve it, blah blah blah.  But come on, would you really want to be reminded of him every time you opened your jewelry box?  I didn’t think so.  And Judge Judy would tell you to return it too, and no one should argue with the Judge.  Ed’s note: I do not recommend burning, peeing on, or destroying any of his stuff.  Unless he had it coming, in that case I’ll look the other way.

DO NOT, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PSYCHO-OUT:

Finally, do not freak out when your ex starts moving on before you, do not start drinking heavily everyday following the breakup or if you learn news about him (a few times is okay, but you’ll eventually learn that working with a killer hangover is worse than heartache) because livers are important for other functions besides filtering out alcohol.  It is also vital, and this is something I have been guilty of, that you refrain from excessive contact.  Do not call him to ask how he is handling the break up, do not “check-in” with the friends you know he has been spending time with, and most importantly do not start stalking his new girlfriend.  It may sound like a good idea when you’re drunk or high at 1 AM to call him and tell him he’s an Asshat, but psychoing out will only guarantee that you will not move on and your ex will look like a saint with a stalker.

Image from Nerd Approved